“We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success; we often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery” Samuel Smiles.
I learn to paint and draw through a constant round of trial, failure, then trying again, until that technique has been conquered. It never stops – there is always a challenge and that’s what makes it exciting for me. Artists are never happy with their work; they return to the same themes again and again in their lives. Picasso’s bulls, Matisse’s odalisques, Monet’s waterlillies. They have their reasons, but I bet they are also determined to ‘get it right this time.’
Creative people are subject to emotional highs and, much worse, lows. When in this dark vacuum the whole business of making art seems difficult and fraught with terror. Fear of the blank white canvas is a well known artist’s block. In my periods of darkness I am convinced that I am worthless, and that the art world is a sham, trivial, pointless and heavily rigged in favour of a lucky few. This can go on for years until I somehow reach within and find the equilibrium so necessary to open up my heart to inspiration. The beauty has always been there, but I have been blind for the long dark period.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding” Khalil Gibran.
Within the vortex I try to convey my thoughts and feelings in a visual way through drawing and painting. It becomes harder and harder, trying to do this thing that I’ve never succeeded at before, but now have a burning need to do. Many wasted sheets of paper and canvas later I am still no nearer to conveying my ideas, and am now plunged into despair by my ineptitude. I give up making art all together and stop attending exhibitions, reading about painters and all the other things that have up till now made my life a pleasure.
“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world”. Helen Keller
Three years pass, I somehow come out of the shadow, and find inspiration wherever I look. Life takes on new meaning, and painting and drawing become an exquisite joy again. During the void, my visual problems have been churning over in my brain, unbeknownst to me, and have resolved themselves. I find myself able to show my feelings and thoughts in my work to some small degree. I venture out on a new set of paintings, delighted with the different shapes and colours appearing under my brush.
“Understanding is acquired by means of suffering or distress or experience. Will, desire, pain, envy etc are all natural, but understanding is acquired.” William Blake
And this quotation, from Friedrich Nietzsche, should give comfort to any person struggling to emerge from the dark zone:
“I say to you: One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star.”
Anne King
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment